I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
