she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
