just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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