New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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