I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
