I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
