eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
