i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
