He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
