I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
