party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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