would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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