im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
