Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
