I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
