I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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