Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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