the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
