1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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