he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
