We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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