I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
