Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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