yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
