Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ttyl tear gas
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
