she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
