How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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