Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We got so high we made milksteak
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
