he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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