I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
