You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
