1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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