last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
