I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
