Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
