If that was your dad, he is hot
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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