I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
