playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
