Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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