I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I fill condoms, not promises.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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