the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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