You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
