In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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