Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
