Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
