They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
