well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
