Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
