Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
