I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
