just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
