The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
