Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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