this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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